Active Listening Assignment

The first time I tried active listening it was difficult for me. I practiced active listening with my mom and dad over the phone. They were on speaker phone and I was on my cell phone. When I was talking with them, I had a hard time figuring out what was the appropriate number of questions to ask to empathize but not antagonize. Practicing active listening on my mom was difficult because I found it hard to empathize for the same reason state din the previous sentence with a slight difference. She was talking too fast for me to be able to understand why the thing that she was talking about really mattered. This made it harder to figure out the pertinent points to restate and I probably restated too much. This probably wouldn’t have created a problem for the average person but I was born with and have developed (from being exposed to environmental toxins and toxins from my mother not by abusing drugs and alcohol) a brain that processes information more slowly than the average person (a processing speed deficiency). For example, my brain is processing new information at forty miles per hour while the average person’s brain is processing information at fifty miles per hour. In addition, I felt like they weren’t giving me enough information to really practice active listening and it seemed like they didn’t want me to ask more questions. I probably should have asked more questions to figure out if the impression that they didn’t want me to ask more questions was correct. In this interaction, I became much more interested in what they were saying than I usually am. I didn’t ask a lot of questions to try to avoid antagonizing but I felt like this action cause me to assume more. I found out at the end of the conversation that they were leaving to go somewhere within the next hour and I assumed this meant that they didn’t want me to ask more questions but I probably should have asked them that directly.
I practiced active listening with my mom and dad for the second time and it was less difficult than the first time. They were on speaker phone and I was on my cell phone. This time I was in a sad and disappointed mood so I found it hard to ask the appropriate number of questions because it was taking a lot of effort to empathize with them, match their vocal qualities and not sound like the negative mood I was in. Even though I didn’t really ask any questions I feel like I got a very good description of what they had been doing lately. I could have restated more but I didn’t feel like I needed too because we were basically just talking about superficial stuff that we had done over the weekend. I responded with phrases such as “Oh that sounds fun. Did you take any pictures?”
I practiced active listening for the third time and it wasn’t difficult but it wasn’t easy. They were on speaker phone and I was on my cell phone. I had an easier time figuring out the appropriate number of questions to ask but I found it hard to reciprocate the right emotion at the right time in certain situations. When topics were familiar, like my brother finding a third person to live with, I found it very possible to empathize and reciprocate the right emotion at the right time. When topics were unfamiliar, like a CD that I am not familiar with that my dad got from a friend, I found it hard to ask questions plus reciprocate the right emotion at the right time. I could have restated things a little bit more but it seems like reciprocating the right emotion at the right time and saying phrases such as the one in the previous paragraph are forms of acknowledgment that can accomplish most of the same things if the conversation doesn’t involve serious topics.
When I told my parents about the assignment they said that they felt more heard but we both agreed that they could have felt more heard if there had been more free time in our schedules. They felt like I wanted to talk more than I usually do in our relationship. They said it felt good to them, they enjoyed it and they would like it if I get more assignments like this. They would prefer this communication to continue.
I noticed that I was really thinking about what they were saying to be able to ask more questions whereas usually I just let them talk until I feel like they are done talking and then I talk for a little bit and then the conversation ends. I think the use of active listening resulted in the other person changing how they listened to me a little bit but not in a significant way like I thought it would. I noticed that the relationship (even though it was over the phone felt less distant and more relaxed. Active listening got easier the more I practiced. I felt like I understood the person a little better but not a lot better because I have known my parents for so long and because our schedules were conflicting. I learned that I have more fun when I am actively listening to my parents than when I am not actively listening to my parents. In addition, I learned that active listening doesn’t work as well if people are talking fast because it makes it hard to have time to restate what they are saying; it makes it harder to realize the pertinent points and restate them and can encourage people to make assumptions.